Editorial Report 12b

Here is the section I posted for my Production Report 11b:

UA Alerts first took to the scene of the U of A campus back in 2007. Taken directly from the UA Alert FAQ site, UA Alerts “will” inform students and staff about violent activity, hazards, and major disruptions to university activity. These categories include things such as an active shooter, an immediate threat to the UA community, including off-campus events, power outages, gas leaks, etc. Sounds simple enough. Except these are not the alerts we are receiving. The only alerts students and staff have received during the 2015-2016 school year were as follows: power outages and a gas leak.

Here is the edited version of the same section:

UA Alerts were first implemented on campus in 2007. But what are these alerts supposed to do? According to the UA Alert FAQ site, UA Alerts “will” inform students and staff about violent activity, hazards, and major disruptions to university activity. Including things such as an active shooter, an immediate threat to the UA community, including off-campus events, power outages, gas leaks, etc. Sounds like the alerts should be simple enough. However the only alerts students and staff have received during the 2015-2016 school year were about a gas leak and a couple power outages. Which would be fine except that other crimes including sexual assaults and a shooting across the street from campus also occurred.

Questions:

1. How did the content change when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I tried to clean this section up more by being more specific in what I'm saying and making it flow better. Which I'm hopefully doing. It still has more work to do because I haven't added any of my sources in but this is a strong start from my standpoint I think.

2. How did the form change when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

I need to go back and look at exactly what form means for the essay because I do not think I'm changing it with the editing process.